How do you know?

This past week has been the start of our family moving down a different road, not a bad road just a different one. The things that have happened to lead us to where we are now are things I never thought we'd have to deal with. Tim and I have had to decide how do you know when it's time to change something huge for your child? When do you say enough is enough and I won't accept mediocre any longer? What do you do when you see that the system is so clearly failing your child?

After long hours of consideration and many many tears on my part we've decided to withdraw Benjamin from the middle school he's been attending. We've seen him be bored for too long. He's not being challenged and he's a smart kid and we're disappointed with his overall middle school experience he's had. The middle school he has been attending has 1600 kids in it. It is the largest in the whole state of Washington and it was never intended to be. The school was built for 900 children and things are a nightmare there. It is no one persons fault it's just the way things are right now. Until the school district can get the growth under control we were no longer comfortable risking Benjamin's education any further.

So we found a good alternative that is partial homeschool, partial public school in another district nearby. This was the best option we could see for now. It doesn't mean we will never put Benjamin back in public school, and we looked at private schools as well, but they are extremely costly. And that's not to say that we didn't have offers from both wonderfully supportive Grandparents to help us in any way they could. We could possibly figure something out for the cost issue but we just want to try this for now.  I wish so many things were different. For one I wish charter schools were allowed in the state of Washington. I also wish there were vouchers available for education so we as parents had more choices for our children.

I feel as if at the beginning of this year I really wanted this middle school to have a chance. The more I saw the less enthusiastic I was. It's such a catch 22 you hope the more involved you are in the school process the more you'll be reassured, but in the end let's face it the more you see sometimes the more frustrating it is. There is such a push nowadays for these kids to grow up so quickly. I don't agree with that. What is wrong with allowing kids to be kids for a little longer? Why must we force them to be adults at 12? I just don't understand it.

I've talked to so many people the past few days and I appreciate them being willing to share their experiences. I am so incredibly scared for what we are doing, but deep down know that this is the right thing to do for Benjamin right now. I was one of those people that swore up and down I would never homeschool my children, that I couldn't. I always thought homeschoolers were "crazy" and I think it does have that stigma attached to it. I don't care what other people think anymore I only want to see Benjamin succeed and I think Tim and I are the key to that. We can be his teachers. We can do this. I will tell you, you don't know what you're capable of until you are in the moment and you see your child unhappy. I know now that I would do anything, try anything to see Benjamin happy again and excited to learn. I still have moments where I go between excited to get started and severe doubt, just because I'm weary of the unknown.

Benjamin for his part is excited to try something different. He's always been a pretty easy going kid. We are going to keep him in the sports he's been involved with. That is usually the first question people ask us. That or how will he be able to socialize with kids his age? We think the classes he will be taking will do that and the sports we'll keep him in. We'll take it day by day for now and see how it goes.

This is going to be a new journey for us. I'm being realistic and trying to keep in mind there will be hard days. I will probably still doubt myself from time to time. I think that's normal. Our greatest fear is doing something that will mess our children up in any way. Well more than him being born into our family already has. Kidding. Gotta laugh or you'll cry. It's a good motto.

Anyway I'm writing about all of this not to try to spill our whole story out in the internets but because it helps to get it all down in writing. It eases my fears in a way. I've also asked Benjamin if he cares if I share our story on here and he doesn't. Maybe it will help someone else somewhere to hear our story, but even if it just helps us that's enough for me right now.

Comments

[Gramma Barb]

How do you know? I think you answered your own question. . just look back at the beginning. . it is when YOU decide this is not working, this is not acceptable and there has to be something better out there. You didn't come about this decision overnight. . it has been coming on for a long time. You just had to come to a point when mediocre is not good enough for your wonderful, beautiful, and loving child. Change is always difficult and I think our society tends to go along with the majority because that seems to be the easy path. But when you love your child so much and you see them struggling as they go down that path. . that is when you know you have to make some changes. Go forward, no regrets and don't look back. I support you 100% because I know you have made this decision with your heart.