The last day with Grandpa

It's been three months today since Grandpa passed away and today I feel a deep need to write what happened that last day. It's July now and even though I will post this back on April 11th it's taken me three months to find the words and I feel better it be hiding back on the day it happened.

The morning after the hospital visit we got a call from Susan with hospice. She wanted to come by and check on Grandpa. She came by a little before 10am. She told us when she called that she thought we should go and get his prescription for the antibiotics for the infection the hospital thought he had. We weren't convinced of it but Barb left to run it up to the pharmacy and drop it off. She got back in time to be there when Susan got there. Susan checked him out and said his vitals were all pretty good. No real red flags. She did suggest that he go ahead and get a hospital bed, wheelchair and some oxygen ordered. He didn't fight it this time. I think he knew he needed all of them now.

Sara set out to make us all breakfast because we were all going to need something to keep us awake. She made some bacon, egg, and avocado bagels, and they were delicious. Mom and I ate them real quick and went to the store to pick up Grandpa's meds and pick up some groceries because it was looking like we would all be there for Easter together and we hadn't prepared for that.

While we dashed through the store grabbing groceries as fast as we could we stopped on the way out for coffees from starbucks. As we waited Sara called and said we needed to get home fast. Grandpa was struggling again and we needed to get home. I ran out and threw the groceries in the car and drove back to pick Mom and the coffees up. We then drove faster than I should have home. Mom had coffee spill on her a couple of times from the bumps. We ran in the house. Grandpa was resting again but Barb described what had happened and it was just like the night before. We had a feeling he was leaving us.

That morning Steve and Jessica had decided that they wanted to come down. Barb tried to talk them out of it because he was doing okay that morning and we just didn't know but they decided to come anyway. We told Grandpa they were coming and he said good.

A little after we got home from the store the neighbors from up the street came by. They had been over in Portland for the weekend but when they found out what was happening had decided to drive home.  They came in and saw Grandpa and he woke up and gave them hugs and was glad to see them. He said he was tired though and went back to resting. He kept asking for the oxygen though through all of this.

He was hurting a bit and uncomfortable so we kept giving him his meds and he rested for most of the afternoon. Sara and I tried to rearrange furniture in the front room to make room for the hospital bed.

Ryan and Kristy were leaving to go home at 3:30 and Mom talked to them and they decided to go ahead and go home.

Jessica and Steve got to Grandpa's about 3. They went in to see Grandpa and he woke up and said hi to Steve and gave Jessica a hug. They talked for a couple of minutes but he was still pretty tired and again asked for oxygen.

We were getting kind of frustrated at that point and couldn't get ahold of hospice or the medical supply place that was bringing the oxygen. Aunt Sue called and I told her what was going on and Barb came to get me because everything started happening really fast then. It was 3:30 and we still couldn't reach hospice and he was struggling and we were scared. This went on about 5 minutes and then he just got really calm.

We were all standing around his water bed. Barb, Mom, and Steve on one side and Jessica, Sara and I on the other side. Les was at the foot of the bed because he had come over to help us move furniture. As we stood ther holding his hand and telling him that we loved him and that it was okay if he needed to go home to Grandma he left us. It was about 3:45 and my Aunt checked his pulse and we just waited because I think we all were hoping that maybe he wasn't really gone, but he was. He had waited until Jessica and Steve got there. He had waited until he was surrounded by all of us to leave us.

Barb took his pulse and said, "I think he's gone."

Jessica and Sara began to sob and I just hugged them as we all cried.

The phone rang and it was the medical supply they were outside and had the hospital bed. The one he didn't want and by leaving when he didn't have to ever have. He left us as he lived, on his own terms, quietly and quickly.

The afternoon passed in a blur. We decided that we wanted to get Grandpa dressed and out of the hospital gown he still had on  from the night before. The hospice nurse helped Mom, Barb, and I do that. We thought he would have wanted that.

We sat with Grandpa for the rest of the afternoon. Annie came by and helped us also. The funeral home came about 7pm. They had to come over from Portland. That was as hard as Grandpa dying, having to say goodbye to him one last time. Before they took him I grabbed one of the memorial programs from Grandma's memorial that Grandpa had put up in nearly every room of the house after she passed away. I tucked it under his hands and kissed him goodbye. One for the road home. Barb called it his ticket into heaven.

Grandpa's last day on earth was a hard one. He was tired and he was ready I think to go home to God and to be with Grandma. I am grateful for every day I had to spend with him. Looking back that was the greatest gift of the whole journey. That last day was one of the hardest things I've ever been through but Grandpa knew I think that his time here with us was coming to a close.

And now three months later it's still hard. It doesn't get easier. I still think about him every single day. A song comes on the radio and I think of him. I see something that reminds me of him or of Grandma. They are forever with me and all of us and that is what I wanted to share today because it's my memory of that day.

Comments

[Gramma Barb]

Oh Jamie. . .you are so gifted with words. To be able to account for every single moment on that last day. Grandpa was such a huge part of our lives and the day he passed changed all of us forever. I miss him every single day. I am so grateful to have been able to spend precious time with him and will never, ever regret this. I feel we were able to grant him all that he wanted those last few months.. . .to be at home and with those he loved. Yes, it was hard and there were things I didn't think I would ever be able to do. But we never lost our focus on what was important. . .and that was Grandpa. His memories live on in our hearts forever. Thank you! You are very special!